Cooking with Gusto

Lorena Bobbitt. You remember her. Whacked off her husband’s manhood one night after he returned, intoxicated, to their feely posturepedic after carousing the bars and wanting some whoop-dee-doo.

Right when I thought I got past THAT visual, with the associated shudders running up and down my spine –  or down in some nether parts – I came across an author who just may help her slither back into the limelight. On second thought, he might want to hire HER for her knowledge in the correct dissection and proper storage of those cajonies.

Yes, folks, welcome to “The Testicle Cookbook: Cooking with Balls.” Men, before you go running off protectively covering your plums, the recipes involve the nackers from animals – from pigs to stallions and ostriches – and are considered a delicacy..and some think, an aphrodisiac.

Now, mind you, I didn’t go seeking out this book. Can’t even imagine what site I was on when I fell into the deep abyss of extraneous links and came across this cookbook.

Perhaps this Thanksgiving, we should go a different route.  I don’t think the Pilgrims would mind.  Some of the delicious palate-pleasers on the menu could be:

• Heart-shaped Turkey Testicles (uh, cookie cutters?)
• Pig Testicles with Potatoes (peter piper picked a peck of….)
• Bull Testicles (with Bechamel Sauce, of course)
• Testicle Pizza (you mean that’s not sausage??!) 

The Chinese believed that eating testicles on a regular basis boosted libido and cured impotence. Wonder if Loretta ever thought of using a fork instead?