CatDecenzo’s Weblog

Just some mundane madness

Military briefs

pinkboxerssoldierSo the Victoria’s Secret for Soldiers catalog must have come in during mail call in the barracks.  Hey, any mail is better than no mail at all, I say. Hard as hell to get flak vests, it seems, but Pink Platoon boxers are apparently available en masse for these poor guys sacrificing their lives in the trenches.

But more than the fact that he flunked Camouflage 101, I’m a little more worried that this guy is sporting flip flops.  Must be a bitch trying to traverse and tiptoe around those land mines without getting pebbles in his pinky toes. And God help him if he gets captured…try explaining this look to mufasta.  I hope those little designs on his shorts say I Heart Allah. The only thing more disconcerting about his getup is the other guy in his Nike’s. If he’s captured, I suppose all he has to give is his name, rank… and shoe size.

Run, Forest, run…..

And, hey, fashionista! Didn’t your mother ever tell you never wear red with pink!?

At least his backpack matches his helmet…

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May 28, 2009 Posted by | Random | , , , , | 1 Comment

Saving a Buck at Walmart

nutriaJust when I thought our Walmart had scored in the Guiness Book of World Records for one of the skankiest, dirtiest retail outlets in the nation, a store in Louisiana just gave them a run for their money.

Apparently, workers there have known about, and adjusted to, some furry personnel running around their store. Norman, aka Bucky Beaver, is an 18-pound nutria, similar to a giant hairy rat slash small buck-toothed beaver.

An article describes how it jumped from behind a Coke machine and scared the ba-jeezus out of some poor woman, who then rammed her cart full ‘o bargains in reverse and ran over her own foot, breaking bones in her toes.

What amazes me in the article is that they just had to throw in that “she suffers from panic attacks,” (the woman, not the rat) as if that is Walmart’s defense for letting skanky, foul-smelling bear sized rodents traverse through their aisles without warning patrons that they could be in for a wicked walk through the wilderness, and to make sure what they felt weren’t no pelt…

I’ve always sat out in the car in protest whenever The Mister goes into our Walmart to pick up a few things. The mine field alone that you have to go through in the parking lot full of trash is enough to get me to yank my hair clip out of my hair and park it on my nose. Not to mention I took French in high school….

Guess next time I’ll also have to remind The Mister that if he comes across something with bright orange buck teeth to slowly “step awayyyyy from the registerrrrr.”

May 15, 2009 Posted by | Critters | , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Melissa Ann Porter

No child should die the day before Mother’s Day.

Rest in Peace, Sweet Melissa…

Rest, Mother.

In Memoriam

Melissa Ann Porter

Melissa Ann Porter

May 11, 2009 Posted by | On a more serious note | , , | 1 Comment

Pecker Problems

smugglerIs that a bird in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?

Two idiots tried to smuggle a bunch of songbirds into the country from Vietnam, tucking them in their pants.  I guess there’s no homeland security search in the Vietnamese airports, or they would have noticed the bird droppings and feathers floating onto these guys’ shoes.

But the guards at LAX were on their game, and could smell the avian flu coming from a mile away.  Those feathers sticking out of Dong’s socks was a dead giveaway, as was the poop smears on his shoes. And that wasn’t Dixie he was whistlin…

The poor birds had to suffer on the long flight from Vietnam attached to his smelly, hairy legs. And these were no partridges in a pear tree…they had no food except for the embedded ticks most likely creeping around this guy’s legs. Where’s PETA when you need them?

But it seems someone has been lax at LAX, because a further search of Dong’s dump uncovered 51 songbirds already illegally smuggled in. Now, I ask you, who’s the bird-brain here?

Gives new meaning to the term “more leg room” on a flight, doesn’t it?

May 6, 2009 Posted by | Random | , , , , , | Leave a comment