CatDecenzo’s Weblog

Just some mundane madness

Going green…literally.

xrayI was going to wish everyone a Happy Arbor Day – yeah, yeah, let’s go green, blah, blah. But I do love trees, so go hug one I will.  I  will just never take it quite as seriously as some poor guy in Russia who, after experiencing writhing pain throughout his chest, staggered into an emergency room, only to have a doctor slice him open to find a 5-centimenter (just say branch, Igor) of a spruce tree growing inside his nice, warm, fertile lung. OMG.

OK, I’ve heard A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, but this takes the cake…the cone…whatever.  I would show you the actual picture of the branch entrenched in his lungs that the doctors decided to show the world, but I’ll let you (not for the faint of heart..) find that on the internet yourself and lose your own lunch. Even as I talk about it, I’m getting spiky, tingly feelings in my chest like I have a chia pet growing in my rib cage.

treefaceThe doctors, after scratching their heads, decided he somehow must have inhaled a seed and it implanted itself in the murky soil of his left lung. Left to it’s own accord, it went crazy sprouting, thinking it would grow up some day and become adorned with Christmas ornaments and sweet, shiney tinsel! Poor little stupid tree.

I really am a little nervous about those sunflower seeds I used to pick out of the old lady’s bird feeder next door to us when I was a kid, with my mother threatening that I would have large sunflowers growing out of my ears if I didn’t cease and desist.

I’m coughing really hard as we speak.

shoetreeHmmm, but let me think about this. If an inhaled seed can grow inside us, does……this……mean….I….can…….eat….a….small piece of leather and grow my OWN SHOES!!!!???

Oh, the possibilities are endless.

Eat me, Barbie….


April 24, 2009 Posted by | Fear of the Day, Miracles, Random | Leave a comment

Don’t Bothaa with My Butter

Ahhh, c’mon!!!  How can you screw up PEANUT BUTTER!!  OK, I’ve adjusted to the world not being an episode of Father Knows Best.  I’ve adjusted to never seeing kids skipping rope on the sidewalk anymore, or playing hop-skotch with chalk.  Wouldn’t want to ruffle the feathers of the homeowners association. And I still sometimes have a tendency to actually get up out of my seat to change the t.v. station, and sometimes have the urge to wear an apron and high heels when I cook. I still believe in cocktail hour, and just rediscovered Necco wafers the other day at the candy counter, and devoured them, pretending I was going to communion.

pntbutterBut screwin’ with my PB&J sandwich is just not right on so many levels. There are certain memories of childhood that you just don’t screw around with, and I hope they get to the bottom of this salmonella scare, and fast! Last night, I found myself hoarding the one jar I have in the cupboard, safe in the fact that we’ve been eating from this particular jar without visits to the porcelain goddess or getting our stomachs pumped.  I felt like a drug addict going through withdrawal who had just found some residue of delight lurking in that forgotten secret hiding place.  I flung open the spoon drawer and proceeded to pillage that jar full of spreadable edible crunchy cream. Then I waited.  Let’s see.  No hives, itching, swelling, dizziness, lightheadedness or trouble breathing.  Oh, woops, I’m confusing peanut butter with Viagra.

I’ll be glad when they’ve determined the source of this invasive outbreak, because my milk is getting sour in the fridge.  Can’t have a glass of milk without a PB&J sandwich! Of course, my lactose intolerant gut is probably enjoying the break.

Wonder what the Beav would do….


January 30, 2009 Posted by | Fear of the Day | , , , , | Leave a comment

Fear is Still Free

fear1OK, now ya’ll know I have some scaredy cat issues with plastics, aluminum in deodorants, etc. (see my Fear of the Day posts over there…).  So instead of spending time researching those pesky, lurking monsters hiding in my food and under my armpits, I decided to subscribe to a free weekly digest from the Food and Drug Administration that sends ME, without asking, the latest, greatest warnings.  Hey, it was free. Hmmm, free fear.  I like the sound of that.

Anyway, I don’t have much to worry about after all, as it seems the items that come across the FDA’s desk are even wackier than I could even make up. The latest issue was chock full of scares that – not only would I never ingest, microwave, apply to my face, or use in any way – I would NEVER know where to buy half these items.

Nestle Withdraws Nestle Farinha Lactea Cereal in the United States What the…okay, does this mean they’re NOT withdrawing it from Iran?

Nestle USA Voluntarily Recalls Two Production Codes of Nestle Nesquik Strawberry Powder Whoever drinks strawberry flavored Nesquik instead of chocolate should be shot anyhow.  That’s just not right.

ETHEX Corporation Voluntary Recalls Specific Lots of Five Generic Products Due to the Potential for Oversized Tablets Did they not SEE the oversized tablets before they shipped them to the nursing home?  Oh, I thought that said “geriatric.”  Oh, well, still – next time your mother-in-law pisses you off, remember, it’s spelled E-T-H-E-X.BabyDrives

Urgent Voluntary Nationwide Recall Of Infants’ Mylicon Gas Relief Dye Free Drops Non-Staining (try saying that three times real fast..) Due To Possible Metal Fragments So your infant won’t have much gas, and that cute little bib that says, “Drool Rules” on it will remain stain free, but she’ll never be able to get through the security checkpoint again – and you might have to drive instead of fly.

 CSI USA, Inc. Issues Voluntary National Recall of Topical Acne Cream That silly benzoyl peroxide always gets a bad rap.  Don’t people know the only thing that works is Preparation H?

Okay, and last but not least:

nursingpadSeattle’s Favorite Gourmet Cookies and Dessert Co Issues Nationwide Allergy Alert on Undeclared Milk in Muffin Tops I’ve heard of muffin heels, but it sounds like they got this shipment mixed up with some maternity pads used in nursing…you mean all this time has passed and I didn’t know you could “declare” your mother’s milk??

I can’t wait for next week’s issue…initial

November 16, 2008 Posted by | Fear of the Day | , , , , | Leave a comment

Fiesty Popcorn

Ew. A microwave popcorn bag is coated with a perfluorinated chemical (PFC) called a fluorotelomer that can break down to form perfluorooctanoic acid (PFOA). Huh? Well, in layman’s terms, that stuff all over the inside of the bag prevents oil from seeping through the bag and it tiptoes into the toes of those little kernels when heated. Since it has been linked to cancer and birth defects, the EPA’s scientific advisory board has recommended that the chemical be listed as a likely human carcinogen. Ya think!? The supposed “good news” is that the EPA has asked manufacturers to work toward eliminating PFOA from their products by 2015.

2015!!!???  Well, how kind of them to give us a heads up! I knew there was a reason I liked my homemade popcorn better! My favorite recipe, since I have to reduce my sodium intake, is one my daughter insists I make every time she’s home from college, we’re cuddled up together under the fuzzy, and watching a chick flick after taking over the remote and forcing The Mister to go off and do man stuff.

So I’m going to have to file this under both my Recipes file and my New Fears file…what’s a blogger ta do? This will also save you money…oh gawd, now I need to start an Economic Recovery Package file…

•Put 2 tablespoons of Canola oil in bottom of pan.
•Throw one or two (cheap, generic brand popcorn!) kernels in pan, put lid on, and set over medium high heat.
•When the two kernels pop, lift lid carefully and pour in one cup of popcorn. Shake pan only once or twice throughout cooking time.
•Throw cooked popcorn into large bowl.  Throw in just about a spoonful (just enough to coat bottom of pan) of margarine into the hot pan, and recover with lid.
•With a fork, distribute melted margarine through popcorn.
•Sprinkle (to taste) with Chili Powder, Garlic Powder and just a dash of Black Pepper.
Just enough flavor, and you won’t miss the salt! And eating the burnt ones (the best!) won’t give you lung disease!  

Redneck Fire Alarm


October 6, 2008 Posted by | Fear of the Day, Recipes/Food | , , , , , , | 1 Comment