Fear is Still Free

OK, now ya’ll know I have some scaredy cat issues with plastics, aluminum in deodorants, etc. (see my Fear of the Day posts over there…).  So instead of spending time researching those pesky, lurking monsters hiding in my food and under my armpits, I decided to subscribe to a free weekly digest from the Food and Drug Administration that sends ME, without asking, the latest, greatest warnings.  Hey, it was free. Hmmm, free fear.  I like the sound of that.

Anyway, I don’t have much to worry about after all, as it seems the items that come across the FDA’s desk are even wackier than I could even make up. The latest issue was chock full of scares that – not only would I never ingest, microwave, apply to my face, or use in any way – I would NEVER know where to buy half these items.

Nestle Withdraws Nestle Farinha Lactea Cereal in the United States – What the…okay, does this mean they’re NOT withdrawing it from Iran?

Nestle USA Voluntarily Recalls Two Production Codes of Nestle Nesquik Strawberry Powder – Whoever drinks strawberry flavored Nesquik instead of chocolate should be shot anyhow.  That’s just not right.

ETHEX Corporation Voluntary Recalls Specific Lots of Five Generic Products Due to the Potential for Oversized Tablets – Did they not SEE the oversized tablets before they shipped them to the nursing home?  Oh, I thought that said “geriatric.”  Oh, well, still – next time your mother-in-law pisses you off, remember, it’s spelled E-T-H-E-X.

Urgent Voluntary Nationwide Recall Of Infants’ Mylicon Gas Relief Dye Free Drops Non-Staining (try saying that three times real fast..) Due To Possible Metal Fragments – So your infant won’t have much gas, and that cute little bib that says, “Drool Rules” on it will remain stain free, but she’ll never be able to get through the security checkpoint again – and you might have to drive instead of fly.

 CSI USA, Inc. Issues Voluntary National Recall of Topical Acne Cream –That silly benzoyl peroxide always gets a bad rap.  Don’t people know the only thing that works is Preparation H?

Okay, and last but not least:

Seattle’s Favorite Gourmet Cookies and Dessert Co Issues Nationwide Allergy Alert on Undeclared Milk in Muffin Tops – I’ve heard of muffin heels, but it sounds like they got this shipment mixed up with some maternity pads used in nursing…you mean all this time has passed and I didn’t know you could “declare” your mother’s milk??

I can’t wait for next week’s issue…